Tuesday, August 03, 2010

My Mind is Keeping me Awake

I am sleepless tonight as I can't stop thinking about my upcoming trip to Costa Rica, and the fact that I am so nervous about it, mainly because I have to leave Zemi behind. I keep imagining horrible things happening to her. I do this every time I leave her to travel. I can't help it. She is everything to me, and the boys are as well. But the boys are coming with me, so I can maintain control over them. :)
We are travelling to Costa Rica for Jason's 40th birthday. I cannot believe my husband will be 40 years old! He has been wanting to travel to CR for a very long time, so he said that this year he is going to go. I almost did not sign up to go with him, but finally did as he really wanted me to go, despite my extreme anxiety about leaving my little girl. What I do for love!!
I am sure I will have a great time, while in the back of my mind I will always be thinking of Zemi and what she is doing. Since we will be out of the country, I am afraid it would be somewhat difficult to come back home if something were to happen to her, so my anxiety is even more elevated this trip than others I have taken without her, and I am leaving her for the longest period of time I ever have....6 whole days and 7 nights!
And calling home to check on her will be out of the question basically, for me anyhow. I read that our cell phones will not work in CR, and making a landline call I cannot do, since I cannot hear on the phone. I wonder if I can email? I hope so! I don't like the idea of being disconnected technologically. Computers and text messages keep me sane!
Oh ---and what if something happens to me?? or to Jason?? or my boys?? I can't stand it!! I am a nervous wreck!!
People without children just do not understand the kind of fear that is leaving children behind while travelling, or actually, leaving your children with others in general.
Well I suppose I need lots and lots of prayers....for me to have peace, for us to travel safe, for our adventures/excursions to run smoothly, and for Zemi to remain safe and unharmed while I am gone. I sound like a doggone worrywart/untrusting person.....but my anxiety is so stinking high!!! I am sure other moms would understand.

1 comment:

Eric said...

You are a child of God and your children belong to Him as well. God has given His Angels charge over what concerns you and they are protected by God.
You have to rest in that Fact!
So, when are we leaving for CR? I can fit in a suitcase! :)

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